Tila Tequila, pt. II – TV and breaking down barriers

May 27, 2008 at 6:45 am (Gender quotes, Media Studies, gay rights)
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One of the ongoing debates within any oppressed group is who should be allowed to be a spokesperson or representative for that group. Often the person who gets the most publicity is someone who might be embarrassing or controversial, like OJ Simpson, or Anne Coulter.

When it comes to the entertainment world, entertainers can be criticized for playing stereotypical roles, thereby reinforcing those stereotypes. At the same time, exposure to minority characters on TV can make them familiar and non-threatening, which can disarm or counter stereotypes.

When I was growing up in the 70’s, I lived in an Italian/Irish suburb in New Jersey without many black friends, but I watched shows like The Jeffersons, Good Times, What’s Happening, and Sanford and Son daily. Interracial couples and race issues where presented and discussed in a comedic context that I had no problem relating to.

I identified with Raj, Dwayne and Rerun from What’s Happening even though their lives were different from mine. While some of the humor on some of these shows may have been stereotypical, overall the effect was positive, and the comedy allowed for the introduction of these characters onto TV.

I think this exposure benefited my sense of racial equality greatly, even if subliminally. And I think the same thing has happened in the 90’s for gays and lesbians, with the advent of Will & Grace, Ellen and Rosie coming out, Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, etc.

And now we have Tila Tequila. You could complain she’s just a party girl (her claim to fame is “most friends” on MySpace), but in a sense that’s the point – you know straight and gay party people too, so this is just one more type of person that’s out there. They’re not that different from you.

I think the bottom line is that any exposure is good but we need more diverse exposure. Other groups need to see that bisexuals come from every class, background, and demographic. There are PhD’s, blue collar, rich and poor, bisexuals of every creed and class. Let’s get more of them on TV.

Here are some quotes on the presentation of gays and lesbians on TV and in the media, and these can be applied to the Bi situation as well. There is no consensus, especially when it comes to minorities whose appearance or behavior can be considered stereotypical, like effeminate gays and drag queens. While some are afraid of reinforcing stereotypes, others point out that being publicly gay or trans is a radical transformative act that should be recognized and applauded.

“When I was a boy, the only role models I had were Liberace and Charles Nelson Reilly. I couldn’t play the piano and I wasn’t much good at Match Game so I felt doomed. Now there are countless more images of gay people on television and I am grateful for every one of them, but they don’t represent that many more options. The message I hear is that it’s OK to be gay as long as you are effortlessly stylish, hysterically funny or both.”

- Columnist PG Kain, Houston Chronicle

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“While [Will and Jack] are as stereotypical as Amos and Andy, they help humanize gay life. “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy” does that better, for the simple reason that it shows gay and straight men touching and the straight men don’t turn gay, which is what I think a lot of straight teenagers think.”

- Gay author Felice Picano in Montreal’s Hour newspaper

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“I know that a lot of people will watch this show who are not familiar with the gay community, and [they will] start to reconsider their notions of identity — their own and other people’s. I’m really excited by that.”
- Jennifer “Flashdance” Beals who stars in Showtime’s upcoming lesbian series “The L Word,” to Windy City Times, May 21.

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“Several of the straight men have very intense experiences. We anticipate [that] a lot of both gay and straight viewers will have their assumptions challenged about what it means to be gay and what it means to be straight.”

- Douglas Ross, executive producer of the Bravo network TV series “Boy Meets Boy,” a gay-dating reality show that features an eligible man looking for love among a pool of 15 potential mates — some of whom are heterosexual men paid by the program to pretend to be gay

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Quotable Quotes – Beyond Labels

May 27, 2008 at 6:03 am (Androgyny, Bisexuality, Gender quotes, gender trouble)
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If you read the last two posts on bisexuality and androgyny, you’ll see that the speakers are talking about more than just those categories, consciously or unconsciously they’re moving beyond labels to a much richer and more complex model of gender.

There are a lot of these voices, political, academic and from the arts, that agree with the refusal to be boxed in by labels and the world’s definitions. Here are a few more:

“I imagine a world in which our genders had nothing to do with who we fall into bed with.”

- Ara Wilson

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“In itself, homosexuality is as limiting as heterosexuality: the ideal should be to be capable of loving a woman or a man; either, a human being, without feeling fear, restraint or obligation.”

- Simone de Beauvior

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“Beneath the duality of sex there is a oneness. Every male is potentially a female and every female potentially a male. If a man wants to understand a woman, he must discover the woman in himself, and if a woman would understand a man, she must dig in her own consciousness to dicover her own masculine traits.”

- Magnus Hirschfeld

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“It is fatal to be a man or woman pure and simple: one must be a woman manly, or a man womanly.”

- Virginia Woolf

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“I wish I could be so simple! But I’ve been involved with so many different kinds of people – a man for eight years, a woman, and then this transgendered person – that I have to call myself omnisexual, because I just don’t believe in this whole lesbian boring-ass fucking shit in New York & L.A.”

- Sophie B. Hawkins, in Details magazine

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“The way I approach the character isn’t about being gay or straight. It’s just about who you love. Gender has very little to do with it.”

- Mia Kirshner

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“For some reason, when I was younger, I dressed up like a girl, I looked feminine, and so straight boys wanted to fuck me. And now I don’t really look like that anymore, I’m not a little girl. I’m not skinny, frail, petite. I’m a big guy, although I still wear makeup. So I’m in this weird no-man’s land, and it’s fucking strange. I’m learning as I get older that sexuality is a very gray area. I don’t actually believe in gay and straight anymore. The older I get, the more I think it’s kind of a mind-set. When I was 16, I did not find women attractive. As I’ve gotten older, I can now look at women’s bodies and think, Yeah, they’re nice. And I can watch porn videos with straight men and women and actually get turned on.”

- Boy George, to the Advocate

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Quotable Quotes – Pete Wentz androgyny edition

May 26, 2008 at 5:43 am (Androgyny, Bisexuality, Gender quotes)
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“Rebel rebel, your mom’s in a whirl, she’s not sure if you’re a boy or a girl.”

Androgyny is fascinating, it’s been here forever but it stays so taboo. It’s been “in” for every decade since the ’70’s, where pioneers like David Bowie and the New York Dolls helped push it into popular culture, yet it’s never fully “in,” because genderbend isn’t ever fully “in.”

Rock and rollers have done a lot for androgyny, from Bowie and Grace Jones to the guyliner-wearing rockers of today. For our androgyny edition, here’s an excerpt from an interview with Fall Out Boy bassist Pete Wentz, followed by a classic quote from an interview with Gregg Alexander from The New Radicals.

Pete Wentz, being featured in the Advocate’s “Big Gay Following” section:

The Advocate: You made a lot of gay fans happy when you admitted that you’d kissed boys because “anything above the waist is fair game.”

Pete: [Laughs] I actually mean it. That’s just kind of how I am. I’m a little bit of a make-out bandit. I don’t discriminate too much.

The Advocate: What’s the closest you’ve ever come to taking the boy-on-boy action to the next level?

Pete: I haven’t really gotten that close, ’cause honestly, I’m not a real big fan of penises. Like my own, whenever I look at it, I just don’t find anything attractive about it. I can’t believe girls are into it.

The Advocate: You’ve also said that people who aren’t fans of yours will sometimes call you an antigay slur. Why is that?

Pete: I don’t know. I thin it’s a real cheap, easy word. At some point when we were doing this band I was like, “You know what? I’m going to be the most androgynous person that I can possibly be. I’m going to wear girl pants and makeup.” I looked to David Bowie, Mick Jagger, and people like that, and I was like, “That’s what’s missing in all the bands that we’re playing with right now! You need this effeminate edge.” Did Mick Jagger and David Bowie make out? Probably. Who knows? I think sexuality is a lot more ambiguous and more blurred than people make it out to be.” [Emphasis ours]

Rock on, Petey!

Here’s the quote I promised you from The New Radical’s Gregg Alexander :

“‘I’ve tried most drugs, most positions under the guise of most religions, with most genders, on most continents … but I’ve always come back to one thing: life and love.”

And there you have it folks! More on androgyny soon, but let’s leave you with a metrosexual quote from hobbit / Lost star Dominic Monaghan.

“I wear make-up and I paint my nails. I wear high heels. This is all true. I like wearing skirts. I should probably be gay but I like women too much. I am kind of metrosexual in the sense that, if I do get lost, I do ask for directions. I pull over to gas stations and ask. So I don’t know. I guess guys have a lot of pride.”

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Quotable Quotes – Tila Tequila / Bisexuality edition

May 26, 2008 at 5:15 am (Bisexuality, Gender quotes)
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While Tila Tequila may not be the world’s best spokesperson for bisexuality, as a bisexual I say, “better than nothing!” People have to get used to a notion before they can embrace it, and having an attractive spokesperson doesn’t hurt.

Bisexuality and bisexuals are misunderstood by both straights and gay society, just as transsexuals are. People figure you’re “really” straight, or “really” gay, or in a phase. The irony is that these same arguments are used against gays and lesbians, you’re not “really” lesbian, you just haven’t met the right ___, etc.

I do agree that barely anybody is a 50/50 split. Most bi’s are more attracted to their same or opposite sex, and this does contribute to the confusion.

Some random thoughts to get us started:

“I hate to say that [everyone is basically bisexual] because I’ll get 4 billion letters from people on both ends. But it is my belief, yes, that everyone has the potential, but it is fueled or repressed by different things in your life. I feel the capacity is there…. I’m proud of the ability I have to fall in love with both men and women.”

- Actress Kathy Najimy to The Advocate

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“I met these two girls at a party and I was fascinated with the idea of whether it was easier to understand one another when you’re both girls…. You can fall in love with anything, it’s the sparkle in their eyes. Or it might be spiritual.”

- Spice Girl Geri Halliwell to Britain’s Attitude magazine

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“I’ve met many crazy people on many crazy nights. Anything you can imagine…I’ve done it! It’s in my nature to just run wild and I do. I love being naked and I love men and women …. I just seduce everybody. Sex is the best high. It’s better than any drug. I want to die making love because it feels so good. For me a one-night stand and a lifetime commitment are the same. I love beautiful women, too. Gender is not a problem for me. When you fall in love with a man or a woman you’re lucky.”

- Bai Ling in an interview with the News of the World

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“I’m reading a book about Chinese medicine, which claims that people are inherently bisexual to balance their energies. And, in a way, that makes so much sense. As humans we have both male and female energies. I believe in Kurt Cobain’s statement that, in the end, everyone is gay. Everybody should have the freedom to experiment. I believe sexual experimentation is part of human history.”

- Nelly Furtado in European gay mag GUS

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“I have to say that I think there’s a gay man in everybody. … I think every straight man has the capacity to have sex with another man. … I quite fancy the Rock, actually. I’d love for him to throw me around a bit. … He’s quite brutish and hot, don’t you think? I should be careful about saying more. He might find me and kick my ass. … If I meet a man I fancy enough to have sex with, I will.”

- Singer Robbie Williams to The Advocate

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“Now that I’m getting older, the word gay doesn’t make any sense to me anymore. Plus, all the guys I sleep with tell me they’re straight anyway. Sexuality is such a modern thing. If you go back to the Roman times, guys were sucking everything.”

- Boy George to the Houston Voice

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Quotable Quotes – John McCain edition

May 26, 2008 at 4:19 am (Gender quotes, gay marriage, gay rights)
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We’ve had a few quotable quotes dedicated to gay marriage and the naturalness or “unnaturalness” of homosexuality, including a George Bush edition, and now let’s kick off number 3!

“Senator John McCain (R-Ariz.) said that homosexuality “is a lifestyle I don’t agree with.” This is a trope you hear from the religious right a good deal, and it seems to have entered the conservative mainstream, rolling easily off the tongue. But it is a very odd thing to say. No one (speaking rationally) says, “I don’t agree with the Pacific Ocean” or “I don’t agree with the Grand Canyon.” Facts are not things you agree or disagree with. You can agree or disagree with viewpoints, thoughts, or ideas, but homosexuality is not a viewpoint or idea. It is a thing, an attribute, a nature, a fact.”

- Syndicated gay-press columnist Paul Varnell

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“The claim that homosexuality is “unnatural” …. Perhaps the Pope is suggesting that it lies beyond the scope of “normal” human behaviour. If so, this has uncomfortable implications for an association of old men who wear dresses, hear voices and practise ritual cannibalism …. Self-enforced celibacy … is all but unknown among other animal species. If any sexual behaviour is out of tune with the natural world, it is surely that of the priesthood.”

- George Monbiot writing in Britain’s The Guardian

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“My ultimate objective is to help create a society where people no longer define themselves as gay, straight and bisexual. When all three orientations are deemed equally valid and all intolerance is eradicated, there will be no need to differentiate betweeen people of different sexualities. True queer liberation is when nobody cares who’s hetero, homo or bi: when we can love whoever we want – man or woman – without fear of ostracism, prejudice, discrimination, or violence.”

- British gay leader Peter Tatchell (OutRage!)

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And finally, on the subject of gay Republicans …

“I think the ‘different kind of Republican’ tag is a load of crap. I wonder why gay Republicans don’t just go out in the parking lot and beat themselves up – it would be quicker.”

- Hollywood Square Bruce Vilanch to Gay.com

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California Supreme Court Strikes Down Same-Sex Marriage Ban

May 16, 2008 at 6:06 am (Gender quotes, gay marriage, gay rights)
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Big news here in California today as the Supreme Court struck down the ban on same-sex marriage as unconstitutional.  Last month I dedicated a Quotable Quotes to the topic of gay marriage. In honor of today’s ruling, here are some more quotes on the legality of gayness.

“A law branding one class of persons as criminal solely based on the State’s moral disapproval of that class and the conduct associated with that class runs contrary to the values of the Constitution and the Equal Protection Clause, under any standard of review. I therefore concur in the Court’s judgment that Texas’ sodomy law banning ‘deviate sexual intercourse’ between consenting adults of the same sex, but not between consenting adults of different sexes, is unconstitutional.”

- U.S. Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O’Connor. O’Connor voted to legalize gay sex in all 50 states, but for a different reason than five other justices, who cited “private conduct in the exercise of their liberty under the Due Process Clause of the Fourteenth Amendment to the Constitution.”

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“Separate is never equal. Civil unions are a step in the right direction. But they almost always offer less than the full roster of rights that marriage entails — and they still stigmatize same-sex relationships as deserving only second-class recognition.”

- Human Rights Watch Executive Director Kenneth Roth

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“The majority of social conservatives oppose gay marriage; they oppose gay citizens serving their country in the military; they oppose gay citizens raising children; they oppose protecting gay citizens from workplace discrimination; they oppose including gays in hate-crime legislation, while including every other victimized group; they oppose civil unions; they oppose domestic partnerships; they oppose … well, they oppose, for the most part, every single practical measure that brings gay citizens into the mainstream of American life. This is simply bizarre. Can you think of any other legal, noncriminal minority in society toward which social conservatives have nothing but a negative social policy?”

– Gay journalist Andrew Sullivan writing in The Wall Street Journal

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“I think it’s entirely who you are from birth, personally. Some people might choose, but I think that it’s who you are. I think people need to be able to be who they are. I have a friend who was married for many years and then the marriage dissolved and he came out … and he lived this life of tension and of great difficulty. … It’s in your system. It’s in your genes. … I think that people have a right in America to be who they are, who they are born as, and we are all God’s children.”

- Presidential candidate John Kerry in an MTV interview

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“Love is the most cherished feeling we have; it’s unique to human beings, and if anyone thinks they can dismiss love through politics, they’re nuts.”

– Liza Minnelli receiving an award from the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation in Los Angeles.

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Quotable Quotes – The Invention of Heterosexuality

May 15, 2008 at 5:06 am (Gender quotes, gender trouble)
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When you study gender, you sometimes come across historical “facts” that really go against everything you knew or thought was a “given.” For example, the whole blue/pink thing.

“In Western culture, the practice of assigning pink to an individual gender began in the 1920s[7]. From then until the 1940s, pink was considered appropriate for boys because it was the more masculine and decided color while blue was considered appropriate for girls because it was the more delicate and dainty color[8][9]. [Emphasis EG]. Since the 1940s, the societal norm apparently inverted so that pink became appropriate for girls and blue appropriate for boys, a practice that has continued into the 21st century[10].” (from Wikipedia article, which references this study).

I first heard this fact a few years ago, after a decade plus studying feminist and gender topics! I was like, “Are you kidding me? Really?”

Another example, on an even bigger scale, is the “natural” order of heterosexuality and homosexuality. I’m a believer in a much richer concept of gender, identity, sexuality and experience than the homo-hetero binary, and I don’t subscribe to the notion of a two-party system of gender, but until I came across a certain book, I had always assumed that the h/h division has been the standard for a long, long time, not an invention of the last 300 years!

In Jonathan Ned Katz’ The Invention of Heterosexuality, he describes how the words “heterosexual” and “homosexual” were coined in the second half of the 1800’s, followed by the creation of social and legal categories that people could be grouped into, and rewarded or punished accordingly.

Today’s quotes are from the introduction to the book by Gore Vidal. I am an enormous Gore Vidal fan and will recommend Myra Breckenridge to anyone in earshot (except kids, this is adult stuff people!). His recent political writing is incredible, I heartily recommend Perpetual War for Perpetual Peace and Dreaming War: Blood for Oil and the Cheney-Bush Junta. Here’s Mr. Vidal on the theory of heterosexuality.

“Heterosexuality, a weird concept of recent origin but terrible consequences, is, of course, central to those very strange notions of human sexuality with which Freud and his apostles saddled us for a century.” (vii)

“Freudians were never able to come up with a proper word (instead of a hybrid Greek-Latin one) for heterosexuality because the Greeks didn’t know what it was. They knew about reproduction. They knew about lust and love. They knew about the intensity of sexual desire between men and men, women and women, but for them, Lesbos was just an island off the coast of Asia Minor while Sappho was your average Pulitzer Prize winning poet.” (ix)

“By analyzing the stages by which these sloppy words become concepts that then become “facts,” Katz nicely undermines the whole false division. I have often – perhaps too often – made the point that there are no homosexual people and no heterosexual people, only hetero or homo acts, and most people, at one time or another, despite horrendous taboos, mess around ….” [Emphasis EG]

Vidal then quotes James Baldwin: “It is quite impossible to write a worth-while novel about a Jew or a Gentile or a Homosexual, for people refuse, unhappily, to function in so neat and one-dimensional a fashion.” (x)

True enough!

Vidal concludes (and invites the reader to join him): Katz … manages to deconstruct two nouns whose invention created false categories, thus making it possible to control the people at large through legal taboos that must now be revoked, as any non- superstitious reader of Katz will conclude.”

Color us non-superstitious! Up next: quotes from Jonathan Ned Katz “On the Invention of Heterosexuality.”

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